IT’S DIRTY WORK

Literally.

I needed to fix a part of my garden that just wasn’t growing veg properly.

The issue? Too much peat moss

The solution? 2 bags of topsoil and a bag of cow manure compost.

Bellatrix: Why is it cow manure?

Christy: Because it didn’t come from a horse.

Bellatrix: What is it?

Christy: Poop

Bellatrix: [puts hands on hips] Seriously? That horse that was here left some and that was free, why did you buy ours?

Christy: The horse didn’t leave enough to do any good except for the grass it landed on and we live in a world where you literally pay for sh……errrr…poop.

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DAVE BUTT DIALED ME

davebcall1

So the phone just rang and the ID said Dave so I answered it… and he wasn’t there. He butt dialed me somehow. I’m not sure how he keeps doing it he’s got a frickin Moto G for the love of Pete but this happens at least once a month, lol.

So what’s a wife to do when faced with this?

Well,  here’s how it went…

Audio Player00:0000:0000:31Use Up/Down Arrow keys to increase or decrease volume.
Me: hello
(listening to an echo)
Hellllloooooo
(better echo to hear)
Daaaaaavvvveeee
(grinning)
Oh Daaaaaaavvvvveeee
(giggle)
You butt dialed me again!
(longer impressive echo)
[in a deeper voice]
David
(laughsnort)
David this is God
(thinking wow that’s pretty dang impressive)
[still in the deeper voice]
David Scott, this is God and you have butt dialed me, please state the reason for your call….

So I’m about rolling on the floor now and he still didn’t answer no matter how many times I called his name so I hung up, but that was funny and the last bit echoed about as good as being in a canyon. Thank you honey for brightening my day with your buttocks

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COLLIN

Had to take Dave into work this morning so I’d have the car to take kiddo to the dentist today. What an adventure at 6 am! The funniest part though was just before we got to his work site we heard the telling “I have to use the bathroom” from the backseat

(maybe grabbing that drink for kiddo wasn’t such a good idea when we stopped for gas)

At any rate there was no holding it according to Bella and we were in the middle of nowhere of course. We hear a little “Am I going to have to use the river to tinkle?” from the backseat that just has us shaking our heads. Maybe we shouldn’t let her watch Survivor Man?

After we assured her that she wouldn’t have to do that and wondering about the logistics for a tick because she’s fully geared out in cold weather clothes at the moment (yes even Florida gets cold in the winter) and wondering once again where she gets these ideas, Dave suggests she hold it until after he’s dropped off and we can swing by the Roo we’d passed because all they have at his work site is the porta potty.

There was no holding it according to kiddo so when we got to the site kiddo was directed to where she needed to go.

A few minutes later a much happier child comes running back to the car hollering, “I got to use the Collin!” And then we were off on our return trip. I again hear a little voice from the backseat, “Hey Mom, that Collin was pretty cool, surprisingly they just had a big hole cut out and of course there was a seat but I wonder how they empty it.”

“Collin?” I say. “What are you talking about?” To which she replied. “Mom, they named their toilet Collin, how cool is that?”

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ONLY OUR KID WOULD DO THIS

Only our kid! So the youngest (and only one under 18) she had a test with the teacher today for reading speed and comprehension and all that, she whizzes through it with no problems at all until the teacher asks her what the story she just read was about and Bellatrix was like, “Handprints” (the story was about some clay handprints some kids made in class for their mom). So the teacher asked if there was anything else and Bellatrix was like “I do not recall” [facepalm] and so the the teacher was like, “ooooookkkaaayyyy”

So then we’re done and I looked at Bella and asked why she didn’t tell her the rest of what she’d read and kiddo answered…

“She heard me read the story she should have been paying attention”

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