The other day was Valentines Day, the day of romance, I had to work. Hey, I’m glad to work whenever I can I have a family to support. Being Valentines Day I thought it would be nice if I did that one job on the honey do list that is easier for me than for my wife.
Yep, I stopped in at Whole Foods on the way home to pick up a few things since it’s so far from our house and I pass it every day for work. The wife being who she is even gave me directions to where exactly what she wanted was. So there I am in the front door, hang a left, and directly across the way from the customer service desk manned by perky people , which I admit is nicer than most other stores, is the item of my hunt, my daughters Spry mouthwash and some tea tree stuff for the wife.
So as I’m hunkered down on the floor checking out the mouthwash on the very bottom shelf I called my wife real quick on the phone she insisted I needed to make sure that my daughter wanted coolmint. I hung up grabbed the bottle and turned my head and there was some lady’s lady bits directly in front of me. Now mind you I’d noticed someone walk up next to me I just didn’t expect to be faced with a woman’s nether regions suddenly and my owlish look to the woman only got me a smile and a cultured drawl of “excuse me” and a giggle from the chic.
I quickly stood up and stepped away only to have her step closer and attempt to bat her fake eyelashes which actually made her look like she had spiders attempting to attack her face. I was mortified and somewhat confused, so I did what any self respecting husband would do and I attempted to go into stealth mode and blend in with the fru fru soaps, organic conditioners, and goat milk body scrubs as I briskly got the hell out of there, much to the lady’s chagrin if her pout and foot stamp were any indication.
So now I’m heading for the checkout and I notice that there are copies of me running around, there had to have been at least 6 other guys that I saw that were all wearing flannel and work boots with a ski cap. I was the only one that was rumpled and dirty though because most of the other guys sported actual iron pressed clothing and creases? Yuppies in flannel! What is the world coming to?
So this isn’t the first time some random woman has hit on me during a workday this lady though must have thought I was one of her herd based on my clothes style but I was literally covered in dirt from work on this occasion and this woman was hitting on me . Must be my animal magnetism.
Well, my wife says it’s that I “look like someone who can actually get stuff done and deep down a woman wants a man that might actually be useful in a survival situation based on whatever their subconscious idea of actual survival is”. All because I had dirt caked boots and stained hands though? It wasn’t the bad boy air per chance?
From what I’ve seen most guys that hang around the fancy grocery store don’t look like they’re allowed to go out and get dirty.
Just an observation there.
Yuppies in flannel, please do something to reign in your spider eyed women.