All posts by David

Coupons?

So we were discussing the up coming book and somehow got on to the subject of the fishes and the loaves and I proceeded to tell the story to kiddo… the after commentary though is part of why I love my crazy life, wife, and kids.

Dave: And we still do that sharing today.
Christy: In modern terms… stretching what we have… sharing… etc..


Bella’s : Soooo Jesus used coupons?

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Talk To Text

So I was using speech to text last night and this (whatever this is, lol) that I took a screenshot of (because it was so weird) is not even remotely related to what I said except the setting a goal bit…no idea where the rest came from and I know I said absolutely nothing about a goldfish. 🤣🤣🤣

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ARRRRRR-BOR DAY ANYONE?

What ever happened to Arbor Day? I haven’t heard hide nor hair of it in years which is really strange to me considering that nowadays everyone is supposedly all about trees and nature and global warming and such.  According to the Arbor Day Foundation we can “green up our communities, replant forests across the country, save the rainforest and make an impact on our planet.”

But I haven’t heard a bit about it in years. Why?

When I was younger it was a big thing in school because everyone would start a seedling in a cup and then on Arbor Day everyone would go plant it. Our teachers considered it a part of our civic duties to plant trees. It was a part of our Science Classes because the teacher considered that since we need oxygen to breathe we should do something to actually facilitate that occurrence. It was about giving back with just a few moments of our own time to the world at large and becoming a bit more connected to the good of all.

Everyone is so concerned about global warming nowadays but honestly you cannot depend on any governments to take care of that issue… you need to do your part. Everyone could do their part.

When I”m at a new work site, the first thing that anyone does is clear the lot of trees and turn it into mulch and anything that can be turned into lumber gets hauled off. None of the resources go to waste but they do go away and are not replaced to their previous ammounts. When my company is done with a lot there is usually a retention pond left which is great for the Eagles that live there. In fact we had to stop for a month and a half at one site because of Eagle breeding season. If we see an Eagle on site then we’re not allowed in that area and leave those trees alone because, hey, it’s eagles, lol.

The good thing about my company is that when we are done with the retention pond there is a plan to resod and replant somne trees where we can. I have to say I like that part of the job. There is something special about planting a tree. My teacher way back in the day said that “it was an investment in our future”… and that has alway stuck with me.

To find out more about Arbor Day (and you should be starting your seedling right now to be able to plant on that day) check out http://www.arborday.org

Heck feel free to combine this with Talk Like A Pirate Day… in which case I must ask

Arrrrrr- you going to plant a tree on Arrrrrr bor day? (April 29th this year since it’s always the last Friday in April)

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NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF I WAS SINGLE

Dave: So, let me tell you about my weird little day…

I’m back on days as of Monday (thankfully) seeing as I wasn’t getting decent hours at night because of all the rain that kept sending us home, which is the downside of working outside. Which leads me to today where I’m working with a younger guy from another group and the boss goes “Take this young man with you and teach him how to read grade stakes because we have a ditch that needs to get finished and ready for sod.”

Our day goes pretty normal. The guy is nice, mid twenties and seems intelligent all around which is cool as one thing I can’t stand is stupidity. We hit it off pretty well.  As we’re talking he’s telling me about his girlfriend and other normal guy chat. After lunch he’s like “Hey man, can you take and drop me off after work where my girl works” and I was like, “Yeah sure where is it?” and he was like, “Just up the road on Phillips Hwy not to far.”  So I agreed since it wasn’t really out of my way.

Our day goes on and we get the sod finished the ditch gets opened up the water flows and it’s all very neat and lovely that it turned out like it was supposed to.

We go to the car and we’re chitchatting on the way to his destination and he calls his gf and say hey we’ll be there in a few minutes just meet us out back. I didn’t think anything of it until he’s like  take a right here at the bar and I was like …huh? Because it wasn’t just a bar, it was one of those all nude gentlemen’s clubs.

We come into the parking lot and he jumps out and opens the gate so we can go around back.  Once we’re at the back door he knocks, of course my eyes are darting back and forth and I’m sweating a little under the collar because this is absolute last place a happily married guy wants to be, so of couse when the door opens about 4 females are peeping out around the door in various states of undress.

There is no quick way out of this and there is his girl is wearing a gypsy draped tassled up number that is barely there. I don’t even think the top she was wearing could be called a bra because it was so tiny that it looked more like a tube top for a barbie doll. Whatever it used to cover it wasn’t built for her I can tell you that. Then of course I hear the most dreaded words that you can hear in this situation “OH! Let me meet your friend”

I can hear my wife giggling madly in my head over my luck of getting myself into this kind of situation and I am trying not to stare but I really have no choice because man, it was just all out there. [sigh]  Of course her friend then sticks her head back out and goes “is the other one taken?”

And I’m thinking to myself, ” how do I get out of here without getting in trouble?”  because now she wants us to come in and I’m like I gotta go, and I once again hear my wife in my head like some kind of messed up Jimminey cricket cackling like mad because it’s just one of those days.

Yeah, that’s my kinda luck but that wasn’t the full day. Oh no, I’d pulled a muscle in my leg earlier trying to get into my machine at work so my escape in my manual transmission car was not as quick as it could have been and so I saw more flesh than I ever needed to see.

Now, of course if I had been single this never would have happened. Not in a million years [sigh]

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DEAR LADY AT SAMS CLUB

Dear Lady at Sams Club who was walking in front of us as we all trudged slowly with a shuffling gait through the receipt check line to get out.

I’m sorry my 8 yr old was walking behind you saying, “Braaaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnnns”

It was a really slow line and I saw you nod when she commented after that, “We’re like a line of zombies Dad!”

I wasn’t about you.

Still, I know it can be a little unnerving to have someone so close behind you say brains in a creepy voice, she didn’t mean to make you jump.

That is all.

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ONE OF THOSE…WEEKS

Yeah, I’m a man of few words this week because it’s just beat me down

  • Monday-My missing cell phone which I’m sure you’ve already read about from the wife.  Hours, I’m telling you, hours and HOURS I spent looking for what has actually become a lifeline at work since there are no walkie talkies provided for operators to contact one another without driving to the very back or front of the worksite.  My foreman was even trying to help me find the darn thing.  And then ironically enough in the safety meeting the next day we all received little stickers that said “no cell phones” on heavy equipment.  Well, how the heck do you think we contact one another with vital information without wasting gas to drive to the other end of a site to converse?
  • Tuesday-Had to borrow the wifes candle lighter to take to work because I couldn’t find mine. Lost it.  Wife not happy.
  • Wednesday-Lost wallet at home…
  • Thursday- and woke wife up freaking out because I couldn’t find it…she was not happy and shoved me out the door anyway since I couldn’t call the boss to tell him I might be late…because the cell phone is missing too. Found wallet on my bulldozer seat
  • Friday – TGIF!!!! Coworker found missing candle lighter (whew!)

I think I need a vacation but with my luck I’ll lose my luggage.

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YUPPIES IN FLANNEL

The other day was Valentines Day, the day of romance, I had to work. Hey, I’m glad to work whenever I can I have a family to support. Being Valentines Day I thought it would be nice if I did that one job on the honey do list that is easier for me than for my wife.

Yep, I stopped in at Whole Foods on the way home to pick up a few things since it’s so far from our house and I pass it every day for work. The wife being who she is even gave me directions to where exactly what she wanted was. So there I am in the front door, hang a left, and directly across the way from the customer service desk manned by perky people , which I admit is nicer than most other stores, is the item of my hunt, my daughters Spry mouthwash and some tea tree stuff for the wife.

So as I’m hunkered down on the floor checking out the mouthwash on the very bottom shelf I called my wife real quick on the phone she insisted I needed  to make sure that my daughter wanted coolmint. I hung up grabbed the bottle and turned my head and there was some lady’s lady bits directly in front of me. Now mind you I’d noticed someone walk up next to me I just didn’t expect to be faced with a woman’s nether regions suddenly and my owlish look to the woman only got me a smile and a cultured drawl of “excuse me” and a giggle from the chic.

I quickly stood up and stepped away only to have her step closer and attempt to bat her fake eyelashes which actually made her look like she had spiders attempting to attack her face.  I was mortified and somewhat confused, so I did what any self respecting husband would do and I attempted to go into stealth mode and  blend in with the fru fru soaps, organic conditioners, and goat milk body scrubs as I briskly got the hell out of there, much to the lady’s chagrin if her pout and foot stamp were any indication.

So now I’m heading for the checkout and I notice that there are copies of me running around, there had to have been at least 6 other guys that I saw that were all wearing flannel and work boots with a ski cap. I was the only one that was rumpled and dirty though because most of the other guys sported actual iron pressed clothing and creases?  Yuppies in flannel! What is the world coming to?

So this isn’t the first time some random woman has hit on me during a workday this lady though must have thought I was one of her herd based on my clothes style but I was literally covered in dirt from work on this occasion and this woman was hitting on me . Must be my animal magnetism. 

Well, my wife says it’s that I “look like someone who can actually get stuff done and deep down a woman wants a man that might actually be useful in a survival situation based on whatever their subconscious idea of actual survival is”. All because I had dirt caked boots and stained hands though? It wasn’t the bad boy air per chance?

From what I’ve seen most guys that hang around the fancy grocery store don’t look like they’re allowed to go out and get dirty.

Just an observation there.

Yuppies in flannel, please do something to reign in your spider eyed women.

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