So, folks use a lot of emoji we know but what might their real facial reactions be to various things they read? We thought about it and think they might be something a bit like these.
Dave: Baby, why are we getting mail from Florida Blue?
Christy: That’s our insurance? I think? I dunno that stupid marketplace does whatever it wants.
Dave: Oh. Well what’s our deductible?
Christy: No idea, we can’t afford to go to the docs either way.
Dave: You know how we can save some money?
Dave: They could stop mailing us this crap [holding up some huge book we just got in the mail] They could save millions on paper and frickin postage because most of us can’t afford to go to the docs even if we are sick.
Christy: You’re preaching to the choir honey but we don’t live in DC so they just “think” they know what’s best, I doubt those buggers have even had to worry about where their next meal was going to come from because they were off work because of the rain or the hols [shrug]
Bellatrix: Mom, I don’t think I’m as smart as I thought I was.
Bellatrix: It’s a math problem, way they’ve got it written is not possible to solve.
Christy: Ok, well, lets look at it.
[walking back to computer]
Bellatrix: See? 5×2/3=5 doesn’t make sense I’m in the 5th grade math is easy.
Christy: Honey…that’s an S where are your glasses?
Bellatrix: Oh! Well that makes sense and I don’t know where I put my glasses.
Christy: Here’s a Mom life hack for you dear, hold down the Ctrl button and hit the + button and your text will be easier to read.
Bellatrix: Yeaahhh, I’m going to just go do this problem now.
Dave: It started out like any other day.
Christy: Oh? The cat was on you as soon as the alarm went off demanding food?
Dave: Yeah, pretty much.
Dave: So I got up, went to work and took my morning photo of the day .
Christy: I actually have a plan for all those photos you’ve been taking but it’s not the top of my to do list.
Dave: I’m intrigued but I’m well aware of what your lists are like since there are about 3 of them floating around on the desk in disarray.
Christy: Yeah yeah, I really need to get one of my sister’s KitLife.netplanners, I know…still not sure how she and I are related when I’m a huge hot mess when it comes to getting anything done that doesn’t need to be done in a crunch in which case I go into laser focus and miracles happen[shaking head]
Dave: Anyway, so it was a normal work day as it goes on a Friday and I came home to my lovely wife and daughter who had made me a fresh pot of coffee and some delightful caramel apple birthday cupcakes, which I only got one of.
Christy: Bellatrix had a blast making those, I love that baking in that Nuwave is so safe and easy for her, I should have gotten one years ago
Dave: It is crazy fast and easy to use that thing and it’s more cost efficient than using the oven or stove but still, it’s like, an easy bake oven on steroids and I would would say sans a light bulb I I know it’s got that infrared going on.
Christy: Yep, but as it was Dave’s birthday we decided since Dad has slipped him a couple bucks via my paypal ( Thanks Dad!!) to get something for himself or go to dinner, that we would haul ourselves out to a rare treat…eating out.
Dave: We went to Steak and Shake, and yes that was my choice. Naturally they got my meal perfect and as usual they messed up Christy’s. Slow, cold, missing chili, wrong milkshake, etc. In fact I still can’t even understand how they confused strawberry with Banana I just don’t know…must have been the B. Of course this lead to the unhappy wife.
Christy: I did try to hold it together though.
Dave: Yeah, but it seems that every time we go out to eat especially on a special occasion…you know I just don’t know [scratching head] how does your meal always end up lost, cold, wrong, or generally messed up? What food God did you irk? The restaurant gods are angry and that’s why your fries are cold. [nodding]
Christy: [sigh] Yeah. At least I wasn’t facing what you were though, ROFL!
Dave: Plumbers crack. Like yeah. I didn’t think that a behind could run from the center of someones back to their knees, literally had no idea. What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Christy: Yes, that was the same woman who tried to run me over in the parking lot.
Dave: Methinks she might have been offended when you told our child to only eat until she was full since she had that huge shake with dinner and could always take home the leftovers …right after that chick was seriously yelling at her 3 husky very loud boys to eat all their meal. They did too, the littlest one was licking his hands to get all the ketchup.
Christy: They were a bit crass to put it politely.
Dave: I can think of some other words that aren’t so nice.
Christy: So can I but it’s not their fault seeing as all three of the kids appeared to be 8 and under and were hyped up on sugar.
Dave: All I know is that I should not have been mooned at the Steak and Shake. Ladies make sure when you sit down that you’ve got your britches pulled all the way up… it was down right unseemly in such a family environment, I may need therapy or an eye doctor because y’all that was just wrong.
So we’re on a rearranging spree here at the house because I ‘nest’ about once a year and so far I’ve got the living room done and most of the office which will be finished when the extra desk is moved out. Of course I made sure our room was done last week and the only room really left to do is kiddo’s room so I sent said child forth to give it a clean (including under the bed) so that I can go in there to shift stuff around and clean the carpet to boot. Easy peasy right? No. lol
So kiddo strolls out of the room carrying the kitten which is part of the reason there are little toys everywhere in there as he’s very active and finds joy in anything he can get his paws on.
Now I knew something was up by the way she sauntered up next to me and waited patiently while I was paying bills on the computer.
Then she said in a lazy drawl… “Theoretically.”
Which was when the Mom alarm went off in my head ringing in a laughing way because you know you’re about to hear some s**t when your 10 year old is sauntering, patient, and obviously has some kind of debate/argument for you.
Christy: Theoretically what?
Christy: [laughing] Ok, let’s hear it.
Bellatrix: [huge grin on her face] Well Mom, it’s like this.
Bellatrix shot me the “really?” look and then put on her intellectual face and began tapping her chin while looking up at the ceiling which was when I knew she’d rehearsed this and was also when the kitten started swatting at her hand because he thought she was trying to play which is why the moment was interrupted so she could put the kitten down on the floor and she decided to just spit out what she wanted to say.
Bellatrix: Would you rather have a child who did everything you said and had a clean room but was super boring OR would you rather have a child that is adventurous, likes gaming, likes hanging out with you, and is fun?
Christy: Ok [tossing up hands in exasperation] why can’t I have one in the middle? The question doesn’t seem fair.
Bellatrix: But Mom [she mocked] you yourself told me life isn’t fair.
Christy: [laughing] Go clean your room
Bellatrix: [pouting and sighing] Fine, but I’m ready to just start throwing stuff away.
What are just a few of my unanswered questions you may wonder?
- Why is it when reorganizing a room does the room looks worse than when you started right before you’re done?
- Why does the dog always want to go outside as soon as he’s had a bath?
- Why does the cat immediately use the litter box when you add more litter?
- Why can my child not hear me when I call her for dinner but can hear me whisper the word “chocolate” from 3 rooms away?
- Why do things we need or want only go on sale when we don’t have any money to spare?
- Why do some folks deliberately block your merge on highways?
- For that matter how did a lot of folks pass their driving tests when they never even learned to use a turn signal?
- On the car theme still, why does the car only need repairs when I’ve already paid all the bills and bought groceries?
- Why does school start so early in the morning?
- For that matter why don’t we just have school as 9-5 like a regular job and save parents who have a 9-5 some money?
- Why are bidets not common in the US?
- Why when building a house (when possible) do they not just put an access panel on the wall behind a tub/shower so that if something goes wrong with the plumbing it would be easy to get to and repair?
- Why don’t all hot water heaters come with a timer that you can set for the hours when you actually need hot water?
- Why don’t mobile home builders actually fill in the gaps between the wall panels and add a washi tape of their favored wallpaper over that instead of putting those stupid strips over the cracks?
- If people are so worried about the environment why are most household cleaners toxic?
- Why with the wealth of free knowledge available at our very fingertips via our cells phones, tablets, computers, and free wifi spots… do some people refuse to become more educated to better their situations?
- Why the heck are people so fascinated with (and I’ve had them both and find the first ok once spiced) avocados and kale?
- Why is water expensive and soda cheap?
- Why don’t stores carry the more interesting veggies like fresh beets, rhubarb, parsnips, kohlrabi, etc.?
- Whatever happened to government cheese?
- Why don’t all of the girl scouts selling cookies have a way to take credit cards considering most people don’t carry cash anymore?
- Why can’t I simply put in a tip for the delivery driver from Domino’s when I’m paying for my order online?
- For that matter why does Domino’s charge a delivery fee that doesn’t go to their driver as a partial tip to begin with?
- Since we have the technology now to make grocery bags biodegradable why aren’t they all biodegradable yet?
- Why are so many rooftops black when a lighter color would keep the house cooler?
- For that matter, why are all trees cleared from a piece of land to be built on and only a handful planted when sturdy shading trees could easily help keep homes cooler in the summer and provide a wealth of jobs for people to trim and rake up after in addition to giving wildlife a spot to hang?
- Why aren’t really cool looking hats a thing if the sun is so bad for our skin?
- For that matter why aren’t parasols a thing for the same reason?
- Why does the phone always ring when I’m busy?
- Why is it that one always feels the need to tinkle as soon as they’ve got fresh polish that is not yet dry on their nails even if they wen’t beforehand?
Get it? Before…hand…? That was slightly punny so I’m done for now and I’m going to go back to finishing rearranging my office.
So Bellatrix just walked out here and was like: Bellatrix: Mom Me: Yes? Bellatrix: The mouse won’t work again and it’s the new one. Me: Is the computer on? Bellatrix: [blank half awake look] Me: Because, ya know, I turned your computer off last night. Bellatrix: Wow, just, wow.
We couldn’t even sit and write this post yesterday because it was still Monday and lemme tell ya Monday was one of those days all. day. long and for just about everyone in the house.
I was trying to get a painting tutorial done of course and you know, the card in the camera filled and cut me off. Ok, no problem I emptied it.
So I’m back to painting again and about 30 minutes later the battery lost the last of it’s charge. Ok, no problem I had one charging so I swapped it out.
So, I’m back to painting again and I’m darn near at the end of the turorial and lo and behold…someone used the bathroom next to my office (not naming names, lol) my camera of course picked up every sound echoing through the wall and seeing as I couldn’t just go back and repaint the steps because the part was done my second go at this painting was unusable.
So, I’m back to painting again the 3rd incarnation of the acrylic version of the Live Oaks of St. Augustine and lo and behold the paint decided to start lifting when I was adding the next layer because I started before the under-layer was dry because at this point I was just trying to get the blasted thing filmed and over with. I had to re-cover the entire canvas with the first color :-/
So I’m back to painting YET AGAIN, and the remote access for the camera (via the tablet) cut off and I finally used some highly colorful words at this point only to discover once I got them connected again that the camera had just kept on filming and I might have potentially taught people a few new swear words if I dare try to use that video… So now I can’t use that work either and I have to start over from scratch today.
It was like that all day at the house, just one thing after another.
- Nancy managed to cut herself while cutting a lemon.
- The phone kept ringing
- I had company (though nice to see them it still stopped my work)
- The dog had gas and kept walking past people and spreading his flatulance.
- I had hot flashes all day
- I dropped a blob of paint on the canvas instead of the palette
- And so on
And then Dave came home from work and we heard about his day. It was also a bit gnarly with wonky paperwork, being sick, and of course …
Dave: So, today I was under the influence of DayQuil and held the stop-and-go sign instead of being on the machine because you know … safety. So, one of the other guys was driving the machine today and went to pull up a tree on the side of A1A and unfortunately for everybody, the trees roots had wrapped themselves around a pipe hidden underground. Whops!
Oh, there was a bit more but I’m over it and he’s over it and today is Tuesday which is trash day in our neighborhood and we’ve elected to metaphorically let all the crap from yesterday just go to the curb because we will only accept today being normal and good and we’re thinking good vibes things …even if Dave did forget his lunch and I somehow for the first time in a couple years didn’t wake up til 8:15.
I saw a video today of my Aunt Clara’s little girl…who isn’t so little anymore; she was marrying her best friend. Speaking as someone who got it right the second time and thus has also married her best friend I can say that there is no finer thing to do.
I am so happy for them, even though I haven’t seen Darla since she was a tiny little thing; I am so happy for her and her new husband and rejoice that someone else has embarked on a marriage based on not just love and infatuation but rather a marriage that has the bedrock of friendship upon which to build. Don’t get me wrong, love is important as is attraction but there are some days that you just need a friend and if your partner in life is not fulfilling that roll and in turn you fulfilling that roll for them then you do not have a solid foundation.
Dave and I have had many ups and downs in our lives some of which were self inflicted and some that were because we were just plain stupid but we eventually found one another and built a crazy weird kinda thing filled with shared ups and downs and a whole lot of odd stuff to boot, it’s always interesting at the very least lemme tell ya!
And so to Darla and Tim I say congratulations and may you live in not so much craziness as Dave and I do, lol.